I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
