Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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