she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
