Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
