we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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