Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Randomize
