oh god the rape fog is back!
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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