i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
