she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
