I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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