singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
