I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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