I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
