She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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