It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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