i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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