this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
