It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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