and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
