11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
His nipple licking is glorious
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