I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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