So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
