that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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