Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
