I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
