i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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