I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
