I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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