that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Boobs are out for the taking
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Randomize
