Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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