Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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