I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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