grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
