billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
