i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
time to smoke my breakfast
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
