My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
