I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it glows. i had to have it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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