You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
