You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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