I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
