he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
