i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
God, I missed his penis.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
