You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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