Apparently you make a good broom.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
