Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
