Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
