i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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