Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
