just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
