Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize