There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
