Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
