So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
