She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
