Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
