Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
