My sheets look like a crime scene.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
