i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
In other news, I just burned my penis
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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