mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Randomize
