I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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