You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
