i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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